Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Strongholds... may want to skip this one. This is like therapy for me today. I am venting and being a little selfish. Sorry...

I had never really thought about things in my life that hold me back from having a relationship with God. I am sure most people don't but yesterday in Bible Study it was like God opened the flood gates and the strongholds just kept flowing toward me.

I was just getting over the stress that I was feeling about the lesson on "Do God things not just Good things." I had just come to an understanding that my life had been filled with a lot of Good things. Don't get me wrong doing good things for folks is wonderful as long as you don't forget God in the equation. Sometimes we get so busy doing good things that we leave God out totally. My life over the past few years has been filled with stuff and that is it...just a bunch of good stuff. I have been trying to be more intentional with my picking and choosing. I have been listening more to what God wants me to do.

Back to the strongholds. Wow! I have many strongholds that hold me back. I am not going to name them all (way to many) but I would like to admit to one. I have a problem with anger, not just any anger but the anger that has consumed my life since the split of my church. I am very happy with my new church and church family but I still hold a lot of anger towards the "others." That is what I call them. They have said some ugly things and done some ugly things and I just can't seem to get over the pain.

Yesterday in Bible study it was all I could do to keep from crying. I know that this is a problem and I have been too engulfed in all of the emotion to hear what God has been trying to tell me. As I sat in the bonus room filled with the most amazing women God spoke to me. He spoke to me through some of these women and their comments. He let me know that this is normal... it was a part of the healing process we all go through after a loss but he also let me know that he was still in control and that I needed to let things go and let him guide me through the rest of my journey. That is another stronghold I have to work on...I need to let go of control and listen to what God is saying.

This bible study is eye opening. It is wonderful to study the word of God. I will keep listening this coming week. Less me, me, me and more him, him, HIM! I need to be in the word and in constant contact so that He can help me.

Just writing it down makes me a little less angry. I guess because I have admitted it to myself and more importantly to God that I have this problem he is already taking over and giving me peace. Aaahhh...God is so Good!

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